Jesus' Slinger
So, a neighbor of mine invited us to her church last week and honestly, I'm not really into doing the "Jesus" thing, but she coaxed me into it when she started saying that they had classes for the kids and I would get to pray alone. TRANSLATION: I get to be kid free for almost 2 hours! I'M IN! (It doesn't take much for me to accept quiet time.)
When we got there I dropped my very eager children off to their prayer rooms and headed up the stairs with Lynda. I was really not prepared for what I was about to see. It was a dimly lit auditorium with 7 singers on stage, a mega screen behind them and one off to each side of them. I. Had. Entered. A. Concert. For. Jesus. These singers where clutching their hands to their hearts eyes closed and heads tilted back, while the audience were swaying side to side with their palms up. So what I noticed first was how many thugs there were for Jesus. I mean, dudes laced in gold. But on the verge of tears! and there I was thinking "You betta pray to Jesus drugs don't become legal because then you could kiss yo' money goodbye!" and then I heard it.... The message I was there to hear... It may have been Jesus himself who leaned in and grabbed my attention but the Jesus Slinger said "We should not judge one another! We should not look at what one has or doesn't have and make judgement!" Quickly I started looking around the room. My eyes were darting from one face to another.... "Had they heard me?" But no one looked back. In fact no one even cared who the hell I was, they were just shouting out random "Amens". And as the Slinger was Slingin' I start getting a terrible bellyache. All the while thinking "Did I really have to eat that pasta with veggies before church?" Sho' nuff I excused myself and went to the restroom. And of course I got my period! UGH.... you gotta be kidding me?! So I run upstairs, back in the now smoke filled auditorium, back to my assigned seat and say "Lynda, I just got my period. I'm gonna have to lea...." and she leans into me and grabs my hand and says, with love in her eyes "Honey, now that's Jesus!"
And there you have it y'all... JESUS IS ALIVE!!
When we got there I dropped my very eager children off to their prayer rooms and headed up the stairs with Lynda. I was really not prepared for what I was about to see. It was a dimly lit auditorium with 7 singers on stage, a mega screen behind them and one off to each side of them. I. Had. Entered. A. Concert. For. Jesus. These singers where clutching their hands to their hearts eyes closed and heads tilted back, while the audience were swaying side to side with their palms up. So what I noticed first was how many thugs there were for Jesus. I mean, dudes laced in gold. But on the verge of tears! and there I was thinking "You betta pray to Jesus drugs don't become legal because then you could kiss yo' money goodbye!" and then I heard it.... The message I was there to hear... It may have been Jesus himself who leaned in and grabbed my attention but the Jesus Slinger said "We should not judge one another! We should not look at what one has or doesn't have and make judgement!" Quickly I started looking around the room. My eyes were darting from one face to another.... "Had they heard me?" But no one looked back. In fact no one even cared who the hell I was, they were just shouting out random "Amens". And as the Slinger was Slingin' I start getting a terrible bellyache. All the while thinking "Did I really have to eat that pasta with veggies before church?" Sho' nuff I excused myself and went to the restroom. And of course I got my period! UGH.... you gotta be kidding me?! So I run upstairs, back in the now smoke filled auditorium, back to my assigned seat and say "Lynda, I just got my period. I'm gonna have to lea...." and she leans into me and grabs my hand and says, with love in her eyes "Honey, now that's Jesus!"
And there you have it y'all... JESUS IS ALIVE!!
Labels: Bullshit, Jesus, The Message
posted by Heather Hare at
Monday, July 27, 2009
1 Comments:
Wait. All the proof I needed to tell me that Jesus is alive is that women get their period?
What?
I think I'm dense.
Post a Comment
<< Home